It
by NaniWise
Summary: CRACK. NO PAIRINGS. Modern AU. Just Lavi and friends going to see 'It' and then saying the worse thing possible to the worst person possible. Please R n R!


(I own nothing, I did not actually enjoy the It remake and I hope you enjoy. This is just a dumb but amusing scenario that wouldn't leave me alone, so I decided to write it down. I apologize for how silly it is. But is that four page thing all of chapter 226 or is there more? Is Allen really an akuma like sort like the images implied? I think it would be funny if Hoshino just made every single theory anyone has ever had about D. Gray Man cannon. That would be the best. Anyways, on with the story. Good day and God bless.)

It was around eight o'clock at night. The sky had gone an inky black hours ago. It was late, far too late for a bunch of highschool students to be up and about and yet they were and for one reason only.

It was the latest showing of the newly remade horror classic, "It". It had good ratings, superb special effects and everyone was going to see it.

The first two showings had been sold out, understandably.

It was sold out, only the night showing remaining available but it had not been the lack of tickets that kept the four teenagers, Lavi, Chaoji, Wisely and Allen, from going.

From the first two, their legal guardians had strictly forbidden them from going to such a bloody, gruesome, hateful film.

For the third, he was grounded for pranking his foster father. The man took tacs on his chair very seriously.

For the fourth, his uncle said, for reasons unknown, that if he watched it, death might arrive upon the foot of his bed unexpectedly. Knowing his uncle never one to break a promise, Allen stayed away.

Unfortunately for the second and third, though, Lavi had the best bad ideas ever and the first three found themselves sneaking out in the middle of the night, completely against the wishes of their legal guardians and leaving to go see the movie they had been looking forward to for so long.

Allen and his odd uncle, however, were given the privilege of driving them there and back to their respective homes once it was over. The odd uncle in question, an unusually young individual called Neah, was supportive of the scheme and actually supported the scheme because Allen had only moved there about a month ago and didn't really know anyone. He said it was a good opportunity for his nephew to make friends; Or in his own words, "It word be a good experience to see if you lot are worthy" but they thought it basically meant the same thing.

He was pretty cool but he also had some odd grudge against Bookman senior, Anita, and Sheril Kamelot.

Either way, it was a fool proof and brilliant plan and everyone was on board for it.

Honest. They really didn't know how it could go wrong.

And so it went. They were dropped off and they went to see it.

Two hours later, at around ten, they group emerged from the theater absolutely amazed, as most of the viewers had been.

It was Neah who drove but Allen had tagged along in the front seat of his uncle's black sedan.

Allen was still not allowed to see the movie but, lucky for him, the three people they came to pick up immediately began to gush spoilers like they were actually physically incapable of restraining themselves.

Lavi thought it was creepy- No, super creepy- No, mega creepy! He thought all the children did an incredibly convincing acting job, Beverly was great, and he was never ever ever ever going near a sewer ever again because he liked his feet on the ground, thank you very much.

Chaoji loved it but he was much less pleasant about it. He was the type who read the book twice when he was twelve, which only seemed to explain far too much about him, and was hardcore loyal to it. He didn't like any of the actors, not even the actor who played Pennywise. He said that the abuse was rudely dumbed down and should have been much more graphic, especially with Beverly, because Hollywood dumbing it down was rude to Beverly herself and the audience who grew to love the book. He said that the deaths should have been twice as graphic, that the bullies should have been twice as vulgar and cruel and that Pennywise should have gotten some more screentime.

He went through such a long list of complaints and disturbing details about the book that the entire car began to wonder why he was even their friend to begin with and if he had only said he liked it because Lavi said he had positive feelings towards the film.

Wisely thought it was, and I quote, the funniest romantic comedy he had seen all year, hands down.

A five or so minute ensued as the other three passengers and those in the front seat took in the full horror of what was said.

The only word Neah had said that entire car ride was "Indeed", in response to Wisely. He made a mental note to put his cd copy of the It tv series in the romantic comedy section.

An almost painfully awkward silence followed.

Lavi didn't know what it was but he never did very well under awkward silences with strangers. He felt almost compelled to talk about something, anything, just as long as it was on subject with the film.

And so, Lavi proceeded to, unknowingly ruin the whole night by pulling out his iphone.

Unprompted, he then proceeded to show his friends the playlist of creepy clown sighting videos; The sort where people are walking down a path and they see a clown or where they see one on security cameras.

Allen watched with them but, instead of being even close to scared, he just smiled with a feeling akin to nostalgia, occasionally making comments on how it was "Reassuring" and he "Liked clowns"

They payed him no mind, but quickly after that, a video of someone driving past a clown in the middle of the night happened.

It provided a bit of a jump scare but it was the sure fact that this occurrence was real and could happen to literally anyone that truly frightened the teenagers.

They were frightened in a strangers car in the middle of the night, so they began to say things they would regret later.

"Haha! So do you think it's a human or do you think it's a monster like in that romantic comedy we just watched?"

"It's a monster! Definitely a monster!"

"I don't know about that, Chaoji. If it was a monster, why would it let itself get caught on film like that?"

"I know, Lavi, but what kind of person would dress up like a clown and walk around at night?!"

"Maybe they are fanatical rom-com fans!"

"I don't know…. Maybe they lost their way to a child's birthday party and have been roaming the streets ever since?".

"Or maybe they are just psychos! Honestly, they could get hurt wondering around scaring people like that!" Chaoji declared in far too loud a voice, completely genuine, "If it were me in that car, I would have run that clown over, human or not. It's their fault for wandering the street like that."

Lavi and Wisely weren't entirely sure why they agreed with committing random manslaughter, but they did.

Now, at this point Chaoji was too preoccupied with his own thoughts, thinking of ways he might encounter a scary clown and how he might deal with it, should that time come.

Wisely was too busy making cheekmarks on a stranger's window and condensation with his breath like child, without a care in the world.

Lavi was the only one to look up and see the two people in the front seats.

First, he noticed that Allen, a normally quite pale boy, had gone as white as a ghost, his violet eyes distant and sorrowful.

The second thing he realized was that Allen's uncle, rather that keeping his eyes on the road, had his eyes firmly trained on Chaoji via the rearview mirror. That was concerning because they were riding along a rather frighteningly steep mountain path at the moment.

Lavi's worry suddenly doubled when the man's face twisted into the most homicidal and evil grin he had probably ever seen in real life.

That was the most vivid thing Lavi, the most sane of all the people in the groups, remembers right before the man gave the steering wheel a 180 twist to the left, sending the slick black vehicle right into the rock wall beside them.

Yes, he crashed the car.

He crashed it right then like it was the easiest thing in the world.

But more than that, Lavi knew full well he had done it on purpose.

It was that thought that haunted him as he drug himself from the vehicle that came to a rather abrupt stop, only now recovering from whiplash.

Chaoji was the second to leave, incredibly shaken up, but silent as a mouse.

Wisely was the third to exit the vehicle. His normally cheerful exterior was long gone as he gripped his head with both hands, hunched over, looking as though he might throw up. He soon began complaining about his awful migraine, the sort his friends had seen come upon him suddenly quite often.

They couldn't ignore the smoke. A thick pillar of it emerged from the front of the car that was pressed in quite deeply after colliding with the cliff, broken glass and shards of metal all over the place.

It could have been worse, but it certainly was not any good either.

By the time they had all gotten out of the car and into the far safer road, Allen and his uncle had emerged as well. The could see them across the road with the blinking headlights in the now completely destroyed car.

They could not quite hear their conversation because of their daze and because the participants were whispering but Allen appeared to be hitting his uncle's arm in anger.

Quickly after, the man saw them.

"Aw!' Neah declared, looking almost disappointed at their state of health, "You're still alive!"

Lavi suddenly felt a chill, knowing full well that this man was now a spontaneous homicidal maniac, but kept quiet because he did not wish to jump to conclusions.

It was, of course, Chaoji, who dared to talk first.

"...Y-Y-Y-You….." He gasped, pale as a ghost, "Y-Y-Y-You destroyed your car, sir….".

"Yes I did, unworthy one." Said Neah, grinning from ear to ear.

"...Why?!"

"Oh, well, you see there was this clown in the middle of the road." He said, so obviously lying it wasn't even funny, "He had sharp teeth and this red balloon. Anyways, because I was an actual adult and knew that monsters didn't exist, I didn't want to run the poor man over~!"

He was talking about them. They knew it.

Allen just had his face in his hands, overwhelmed with embarrassment, politely asking the man to stop but he knew he wouldn't. When his uncle got angry at someone, he might just spite the person till his dying breath.

"So," Neah said as he pulled out his cellphone and held it to his ear, "Would you like to walk home and maybe run into that clown or would you like me to call you legal guardians?".


End file.
